Fix That Broken Heart

Hello All! 

I've really missed writing.  It really sparks my soul, and I've missed discussing how I feel with you guys. Anyway, since Valentine's Day is over,  I thought I'd confront a pretty serious topic: heartbreak in love and how to fix it. 

Whether you've just been dumped by a guy you like, distanced by a close family member, or experience grievances from someone passing away, you've experienced heartbreak. Everyone of us will experience these losses at some point in our life. Heartbreak is tough. Heartbreak break is  difficult. It almost feels like an addiction of sorrows. Why do many of us flounder in circles when trying to recover from heartbreak? We try to move forward, but our instincts work against us, and they make us struggle so much, making it difficult for us to move on. 

Turns out that research suggest that withdrawal of romantic love is that same withdrawal effect that cocaine and opiod addicts have. So how do you get over this?  Here are some quick tips:

Acceptance 

The first and most important thing is that you truly have to be willing to let go and accept that it is over. Hope can be destructive when your heart is broken.  Going back and forth on "what ifs" is destructive and manipulative on your mental and emotional state. 

Avoid Idealizing

When I lose someone in my life, I tend to idealize a person and all the great times, and the great moments we had together. This, in itself is SO tough. All this does is make a loss more painful and we are being held hostage by our own mind. We need to avoid idealizing. I suggest writing an exhaustive list on the ways that person was wrong for you, and once you have that list, look at it to reinforce your acceptance to the fact that you broke up. Your mind will tell you that person is perfect. Keep looking at that list.

Recreate your Identity 

Whether we want to admit or not, our strong relationships form a part of our identity as influenced by the other person. A piece of them becomes a part of you. I had a friend who went through a break up and his girlfriend used to have monthly dinners with him and her friends. He become intertwined in that social circle, and those connections for his personal and professional life.  When he broke up with her, he no longer was meeting with those connections, leaving a huge void in his life. He had to step away and recreate his own friends and identity. This process can take the longest, and it's honestly the toughest. 

Avoid Loneliness & Be Present

We know that since heartbreak is an addiction and also a psychological issue, it can lead to insomnia, depression and so much more. During this time, it is EXTREMELY important to be try to avoid the loneliness and be present with the family and friends you can rely on, and be truly present in those conversations in order to heal, shift your focus on other more important issues and love. 

That's it. I'd love if you share your tips below. 

Positivity

Hi All,

Turning 30 in the next  week has led me to some self reflection that I've been actively working on. One of the things important for me are trying to remain positive through some of the storms in life.  As my boyfriend says: "We are constantly approaching a storm, in a storm, or trying to get out of one", so it's very important to try to figure out how to to stay happy through life's challenges, which, to be honest, will continually be growing. This is an aspect of life that I will have to balance.  Here are things I have learned that will keep me positive and happy.

1) Be Grateful: In light of negative circumstances, always be thankful for the people that love you and what you currently have. 

2)  Friends do expire, and change and focus on ones that bring positivity, sympathy, and focus  into your life.  Always surround yourself with positive, supportive people that are going to bring you up and not down.

3) Don't sweat the small stuff & let it go: This one is really hard for me. I try to focus on letting go of small things.  

4) Get 8 hours of sleep: When, will I ever learn this? My hormones will be thankful and I won't be cranky. 

5) Drink 8 glasses of water: I struggle with this one, but when I do, it keeps me more active and energized. I am going to try buying this smart water bottle: 

https://goo.gl/Y9RLzT

6) Live minimally: This is something I'm working on. Throughout the year, I plan to clean the clutter on my computer, phone, and physical space. I think peacefulness in your physical and virtual space is essential. 

7)  Pray, meditate or dedicate phone free time: Even 20 minutes a day of free time, calms me down. I know it can be kind of unsafe to walk around without your phone, but not having my phone, tv, or music on for 20 minutes a day keeps me calm. 

8)  Give to charity with your time: I was listening to a Ted talk the other day that talked about how people who give to others are much happier individuals. Focus on volunteering on something you're passionate about. 

9) Pick the most important battles to argue over, and express the feelings you have in a constructive manner. Don't get overly worked up or emotional. Express how you feel simply and shortly.

10) Don't be overly critical: Don't criticize someone on every little thing. I have people in my life that have to point out the tiniest thing to their advantage. Not worth it. Respect yourself and respect other people. Not everything is worth pointing out. Be mature. It’s not worth it. 

That's it for me: What are the ways that you try to stay positive?  

I hope you soar into positivity this year!   The dress below is from Francesca’s!