My Online Dating Journey — The Sunch Spot

Hey All,

Thanks for checking in! I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written. I have to admit, I’ve been distracted. I’ve been single for quite some time now, and I feel like I’m having an identity crisis of figuring out who I am as a single person, dating like a crazy person, and still, at moments, feeling the emotional distress of a 3 year relationship break up. Has anyone ever felt like that now or in the past?

I figured the best way to get over a relationship is to try to move onto a new one or explore new ones. I now know that’s very far from the truth. Over the past several months, I’ve been on what, 12 or 13 dates with different people and I’ve only gone on multiple dates with one person. I have to say, dating has been wildly unsuccessful!

Amongst these 12 or 13 online dates here are the types of people I met:

- “You’re great, but I’m sorry I’m not interested in a relationship right now”: These guys go on dates and either say this line because they aren’t into you or they truly are just looking to have fun. Either way, these types of people are a slippery slope and I’ve learned to avoid them. One thing I have learned from meeting these types of people was to be more straightforward with online dating. Always ask: “what are your intentions?”

- Friend-zoned: We’ve all been there before I believe. These dudes keep meeting up with you, and meeting constantly, but you’re confused AF as to what their intentions are. One day you muster the courage and ask if they just want to be friends or more. They end up saying friendship, which isn’t necessarily bad. It’s just not what I came looking for.

- The amazing date, but I’m ghosted: This one just drives me insane. I mean at least with being friend zoned, I clarify and ask and know where I stand. The dude just ignores and runs away with this one. Sometimes I ask for feedback, like a job interview, and, nothing. Why do dudes do that? I need to know clearly.

- The “I’m not romantically attracted to you” type of guy: This one just sometimes does a measure on my self-image and self-esteem, but I’ve been working on not letting it get to me.

- We had a great date, but our kundlis don’t match: A kundli is basically like your birth chart and your future predicted in one story book. My brown ladies, you must feel so irritated by this.

- The guys I can’t keep up with: I’ve to confess, the thrill of a match on dating apps is nice, but what I didn’t realize is how crazy it is to keep up with all these people. Sometimes people just honestly fall off the radar. One person of the two has to be aggressive about keeping in touch.

So much craziness right? Have any of you experienced it all? I’d love to relate to you and how you deal with online dating.

With that being said, there are some guys who have stood out when I’ve been dating. I’m just not that convinced they are the right fit yet. Meeting all these people from dating applications has shown me what I really like in a man. I like a man who takes care of me as a person, who is persistent at chatting with me, who has their career all set, likes to travel the world, who is emotionally attentive, who loves me for me outside of my looks, who can challenge me and wants to have a family with me.

So what’s next? I think with my close friend’s engagement coming up, I’ve decided that I am turning off the dating applications until the end of the year. I find that there is too much thrill and addiction to these dating applications. Do you all feel that way? It becomes a game I keep engaging in every night to swipe left and right. Just like a game, there’s a thrill when I match with a new person. It’s hard to invest in all that time after time. Will I be able to stick to it though? Will I be able to have the discipline to not go on dating apps?

I would like to stick to it, because dating applications promote so much anxiety and addiction, but how do I ween myself off it. Any tips?

I’ll still continue the usual flirting at the bar and meeting with people. I’ll continue my conversations over the phone with people that I have already been talking to from the dating applications. I’ll also continue to meet people through referrals of my parents and others.